HUH?

"Simone" and "Sam" have been forced to go on the Lam, after some sloppy security work exposed them to their potential "enemies". Fortunately, they've found help through the SBPP.
("Sex Bloggers Protection Program"). Follow their adventures here until its safe for them to resume their prior alter-egos.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Donna and Bill Take A New Toy for a Spin

A few weeks back a kind lady from EdenFantasies.com offered our Management Team here at UCTMW Enterprises the opportunity to test some of their lovely sex toys in exchange for a little free promotion. Shameless crony capitalists as we are, we were more than happy to acquire some free stuff and  provide some cheap entertainment for our readers at the rather slight expense of prmoting the folks providing the free stuff. I mean, ask yourself, how would Rick, the character Bogart played in  Casablanca, handle a similar proposition?

So here goes our first and very candid product review, courtesy of our Senior Correspondent and our Director of Security - International, who is wondering if Smith and Wesson will make a similar offer.

Bill and I had so hoped our first UCTMW sex toy review for would be overwhelmingly positive. Sadly, not to be. Sadly, the Nexus G-Play Medium vibrator receives a rather mediocre score of three out of a potential  five from us.

Nexus is a well-known UK company with a website at www.nexusrange.com. The three stars are for the quality of materials, easy cleaning, and clear directions. Nexus makes many quality products, this one just didn’t work that well for us.
It’s name - the Nexus G-Play Medium - led me to think this would be a G-Spot Vibrator. And while both the external packaging and edenfantasys.com website advertise this as a g-spot vibrator, the package insert states quite clearly that this is a unisex anal toy with a single speed vibrator.

For a couple not into anal play that might be a bit of an unwelcomed surprise. It is made of silicone; the business end can be sterilized; and it requires a AAA battery which is included in the packaging. It is 2.87 inches long and 1.18 inches in circumference and runs about $43.00.

Thinking that surely with a name like G-Play, there had to be some wonderfully nifty g-spot fun to be had using this, Bill and I decided to start with vaginal play to be followed by taking the Nexus up to its full anal potential. Turning it on and inserting it into my vagina, it slipped right in without a problem. In fact, it is petite enough that it kept going further than I intended. We did a bit of repositioning and waited with great expectation…for not much.

Feeling like that cranky little lady from a burger commercial of years past who demanded to know, “Where’s the Beef”, I was underwhelmed. Bill tried some nifty oral nipple stimulation to kick things up a notch but the devive is too small and the vibrations not stirring enough to serve well in our vaginal playtime. I removed it and attempted to use it as a hand-held clitoral stimulator. Still no wow factor, and no hint of a clitoral orgasm. Saddened, but accepting that we had chosen to use it for other than its primary function, we sanitized it and set it aside for the rest of the day.

Early the following morning we decided to use the Nexus G-Play for the intended purpose and applying the water based lube (as per the instructions) plunged it into my dark and delightful abyss. Insertion was easy and I appreciated that the base is an oval rather than round so the cleft area of my butt was not irritated. As we began repositioning in the bed for playtime, I moved from my back to my knees and the G-Play fell out. I think this may have to do with the neck being so short that the device isn’t fully and solidly seated. Whatever the reason, it was rather unexpected. I use butt plugs regularly and have never lost one. We reinserted it with me already in the kneeling position and Bill pressed the button to turn on the vibrator component. No great shakes. Literally, no great shakes. We found that by adding spanking of the butt and pussy as well as a pocket rocket for some clitoral stimulation, I reached orgasm in a wonderful way but not any differently than I normally orgasm with spanking and clit fun. An interesting and rather surprising event was that with the muscle contracture of my orgasm the Nexus went flying out rather enthusiastically. Fortunately Bill has a great sense of humor; it isn’t every day that an anal toy flies by. Hilarity ensued.

It may not surprise you to know that in our relationship, I tend to take thing up the butt way more often than Bill; I would say about 98% more often than Bill. Where toys are concerned, Bill often hangs an EXIT ONLY sign over his tush but, in the spirit of being a team player with UCTMW, he decided to give the G-Play Medium a try. Bill also found it to be too small and the vibrational effect lacking for a really good prostate rub. And Bill takes his prostate rubs quite seriously.

Please know that I am not saying the Nexus G-Play Medium is useless; I am saying that it didn’t work well for us and that the name seems inexact for the American market. We are in our 50s, experienced in anal play and as a disabled person I can appreciate a bit more stimulus than some able-bodied folks. For anal virgins this might be a good place to start. We are appreciative that the folks at edenfantasys.com/ gave us the opportunity to experiment with the G-Play Medium. 
Should WC decide to try this, I suggest he either opt for the larger size or have it attached to fishing line and reel lest it be lost up there forever.

Thanks, Donna and Bill. You clearly gave it the good college try -- even if Bill had a lot of convicts in his classes at College. It sounds like you could make a second career in rigorous kinky paraphanalia product development. I only wish you had captured the flying vibrator stunt on video tape to share with all of us. And I do agree with your observation that this little guy looks like a controller from an old Atari video game set.

8 comments:

Donna said...

Hi Mick,

I see you used "flying butt vibrators" for the label for today's blog. Good choice! Sorry we didn't catch the flight on video but at the time I was simply glad it didn't give Bill a black eye. Explaining that to friends and relatives might have been a bit awkward. Who am I kidding, it would have been hysterically funny!!!

Happy Birthday to the WC. Sexy wishes for a great day!

Hugs,
Donna

Little Butterfly said...

LOL Love the mental image of the flying vibrator! So at least you had fun with it! :)

Donna said...

Hi Little Butterfly,

Yes, we did have fun. And Bill also figured out that duck and cover drills come in handy at the strangest of moments. :)

Donna

xantu said...

You may not have made me want to try the thing, but you definitely made me laugh.

Donna said...

Well, I thought it has somewhat funny but Bill finds it hysterical and now has all sorts of new pet names for me that have to do with the launching of UFOs. I think I'll just leave the specifics to your imagination.

Donna

msmarie said...

Ha! Excellent and candid review. Like everyone else, the idea of the UFO flying out of URANUS cracks me up! :) Also, I can picture the fishing line attached to the end for WC.

Thanks for playing and sharing!

MsMarie

Claire Thompson said...

I find the naming of it a G Spot vibrator and then when you get it, it's an anal toy, pretty damning! How can they get away with that? Makes no sense to me. Nevertheless, an excellent and funny review.

beingaisha said...

Loved the story, Donna! Can't wait to hear more reviews... just hope the next one isn't quite so dangerous.

Now - jsut a question - are you under contract with UCTMW? Cause i'm thinking if you are, and if Bill had gotten hurt - well, clear case of workman's comp, I'd say. {Sorry, Mick.}

Just a thought.

aisha