"Simone" and "Sam" have been forced to go on the Lam, after some sloppy security work exposed them to their potential "enemies". Fortunately, they've found help through the SBPP.
("Sex Bloggers Protection Program"). Follow their adventures here until its safe for them to resume their prior alter-egos.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

A Special Dispatch from Our Senior Correspondent

Mistress is flying off to the East in the morning with our surly teen II for some college visits. She leaves early for the airport. I plan to spend the time she has in the morning with her here in the executive suite at the World HQ, rather than composing a blog. Fortunately, our Senior Correspondent Donna sent me this very personal reflection to share with all of you.


I have something amazing to share. Those of you who have known me for some time are aware that one of my great pleasures is encouraging those working in the medical community with clients having paralysis or nerve damage to include BDSM as one of the issues discussed as a potential means to provide sensory and sensual stimulation. Imagine my joy when I received this email last week.
Hello Donna, 
I wanted to share with you about a session that I did a few weeks ago with a man who has Spina Bifida. His parents were on board and very supportive. The session was absolutely a fantastic learning experience. I am so glad I had the opportunity.

Believe me when I say that when that email came in, I was doing my own version of the dance of joy!

Not only was the twenty-something year old man willing to express his desires and needs, but his parents heard, understood the depth of meaning behind his words and set out to find a way to help him.
I felt elation that my friend was willing to help. The creative, intelligent and beautiful Mistress Collette, a Domme who evaluates and trains other Doms, Dommes, subs and slaves, chose to honor this man's request. Clearly it would have been less involved, less time consuming and less risky for her to simply decline. With all the support she has graciously provided me over the time I have known her, I am not at all surprised she agreed to help, but I am deeply touched to have a person of this character and quality as my friend.  
And I was also honored to know that it was the work of Master R, who has for many years faced down the stigma, judgment and pettiness of others while operating a training chateau, who refused to listen to naysayers and took yet another bull by the horns in writing the history of BDSM in the US. That book, when read by this young man’s parents, gave them the confidence they needed to put things in motion for this to unfold for their son.
After getting everything set up, the young man’s parents drove him to La Domaine and visited upstairs with Master R while their son had a training session with Mistress Collette.  It went wonderfully well and the young man is more confident and happier than he has been in a long time. His parents will be taking him back to visit again.
And just to be clear, this wasn’t about sex; it was about bondage, domination and the sensory stimulation of BDSM. It was about providing a non-judgmental environment with someone familiar with BDSM methods and tools to assess how this man’s body best responds to sensory stimuli even though he is paralyzed from the waist down and has others major health concerns.
What amazing parents these people are!  To me, everyone who had a role in this is amazing. The young man, his parents, Mistress Collette and Master R all deserve gold stars in my book!
You know, I realize it may be hard for folks not living in or near the disabled world to understand the freedom that comes with BDSM scenes and/or sex. The last time I attempted to write about BDSM and disabilities (at a different blog) there were a few comments made that led me to believe I hadn’t been clear enough to help people understand the differences between vanilla sex and BDSM sex for those with nerve damage. I can’t speak to all disabilities, but I can tell you how this works for me.
The very basic missionary position of vanilla sex leaves me helpless on my back, unable to provide stimulation for Bill or to receive enough stimulation for either of us to orgasm. While vanilla sex can be much more than missionary position, the end result is most often a penis in a vagina, and that is not a successful sexual scenario for me.
I am confined by and in some parts of my life defined by assistive devices. That's just the way it is and it isn’t always a negative thing, but it is fraught with frustration and sometimes I need a release. Not just a sexual release, I need a sensual, sexual and emotional release. I need to feel that I have some power, and in my BDSM relationship with Bill, my power is as a sub.
In the exchange of power that is at the heart of BDSM, when Bill ties me to a chair or the bed with rope or straps, he knows it is what I need, what I want. And even though I am more confined within his ropes than by the assistive devices I use during the day, in the ropes there is a feeling of peace, of freedom.
Sometimes Bill stimulates my butt, dribbles lube down my crack and inserts a plug. He swings a paddle and heats and reddens my cheeks, the flogger stripes my back and feeling all those sensations makes me feel alive, really alive. He flips me over and ties me to the bed, uses the flogger on my breasts and beginning near my feet, he crawls slowly up my body, dragging his warm skin against mine. He kneels over my chest, he tugs my hair and feeds me his cock. I feel, I smell, I taste, I hear the sounds we are both making and I need them all. They heal me. I feel whole. I am this man's sub and he is pleased by my service to him. All I need to focus on right then is Bill. He will lead me through all these sensations. On a psychological level, I know I can do this physical thing as well as any able bodied person. It matters to me, and I think it would matter to most people.
I suppose the point of all this is to say that while most people can find their way through the maze of life to meet their sexual needs, some can’t and need a friend or sometimes even a parent or two to listen to what they are really saying and offer a word of encouragement, suggest a book, or send an online link. It would be a most wonderful thing if BDSM wasn’t shunned as some dark terrible thing, but for now the best we can do is attempt to lessen that perception one person at a time.
BDSM isn't right for everyone, but people should know that it is something to consider, especially for those folks who might benefit from the special gifts BDSM has to offer.
Molly and Mick Collins


beingaisha said...

Thanks for sharing this, Donna. I think that makes total sense, and I agree that the young man in the story was lucky to have parents that were willing to help him pursue this option.

Yours stories, and your advocacy for people with disabilities, has helped me understand things that I might not have otherwise.



WC said...

Wow Donna,

That was unbelievable,

You are very special person ;

And Bill, you are too,

I am very glad that I got the chance to know you both,

The always impressed with Donna,


nilla said...

*standing, clapping, cheering, hooting and whooping*

You so ROCK!...Beautifully explained, beautifully practiced...There is just nothing i can add to this post but applause...

love you guys!


Donna said...

Thank you guys! I am always afraid I might drive away UCTMW traffic when I add a bit about the broader concept of BDSM for folks like me. I appreciate you hanging in there with me.

Hugs to all,

Claire Thompson said...

Thank you, Donna, for this bold, honest and passionate blog entry. BDSM is so much more than just a kink. You capture the intensity, the power and the potential for deep connection that is so important and vital in a D/s relationship. Thank you for your unique perspective, and your willingness to be vulnerable. And, let's not forget, your wonderful humor! Love, Claire

sin said...

I still think Donna should have her own blog. Maybe it's just cause I want to hear her ideas more often?

Donna, I think that there are so many variations of BDSM that there ought to be something there for everyone. I've often wondered whether a freind of mine who suffers from chronic pain would find something there to help her. Or all those middle aged women who have given up on sex, surely there's something in the love and attention or focus on pleasing that could help them. It seems to me that it's a huge subject. Thanks for helping to make us think about it.