Kicking Off Boot Week.... But First a Word From HR

MEMORANDUM

TO: ALL UCTMW ENTERPRISES, LLC ENTERPRISES STAFF—WORLDWIDE

FROM: MICK COLLINS, DIRECTOR OF PERSONNEL AND RISK MANAGEMENT

SUBJECT: MEDICAL LEAVE AND DRUG FREE WORK PLACE POLICIES

In light of the events of the last week, it seemed time to remind all of our staff of policies in place to prevent workplace injuries and assure that medical leave serves it’s proper purpose here at UCTMW.

First, our generous medical leave and group health insurance benefits and policies are in place to assure that our associates are able to perform their jobs within the expected high standards of performance, without compromising their long term health or jeopardizing the health or safety of their fellow associates. Each UCTMW employee is lucky to have 5 fill sick days per year.

If you are unable to perform your job due to personal health concerns, please take advantage of your right to take a sick day, and be sure to visit your health care provider. The failure to immediately seek medical care may only lengthen your inability to perform your job, and exhaust sick days that might be necessary before the end of the year.

If illness or injury should arise from performing your job, and you have timely reported the incident to management with CREDIBLE evidence, UCTMW will also cover the cost of any co-payment or deductible with the proper receipts.

Of course, if you take a sick day, we expect you to call in before your shift begins, so we can make arrangements for a temporary replacement. If you are out for more than 2 consecutive days, we reserve the right to ask for a sworn statement from a licensed medical provider, attesting to your incapacity. Please provide a copy of your provider’s currently effective medical license to demonstrate his credentials, along with a medical release, signed by you so that we can question your provider and obtain copies of your medical chart in case we have further unresolved questions about your condition.

Because UCTMW takes care to make sure that it has no more than 50 employees based at any of its offices within 100 miles of another office, we do not follow the Family and Medical Leave Act. So if you burn up your sick days before returning to work, we have no obligation to return you to work in your former position. But have no fear, we will box up your personal belongings and return them to you, other than perishable items such as lubricants and condiments or edible panties.

Please remember that after taking 2 or more of your sick days, you must provide us 24 hours advance notice of your plans to return to work, as well as a statement from your health care provider releasing you to work with no limitations. We will expect you to hit the ground running after  an extended period of recovery, rest and relaxation. If your medical release is unconvincing, we reserve the right to send you to a physician we select, at your cost, for a return to work physical.

And under some circumstances, our CEO may elect to take matters into her own hands, and conduct a personal physical inspection of your “equipment”.

Finally, a reminder of our “Drug Free Workplace Policies”. A full copy of the policy is is in your manual at tab 321. Just a friendly reminder that the policy not only applies to recreational drugs and alcohol consumed during work hours, or impairing your ability at work. It also applies to prescription medication.

If you are using prescription drugs that may impact your ability to perform your job, please report the nature of your medication to your supervisor immediately. And remember that when using such medication you should not:

• Operate heavy machinery.
• Operate or direct the operation of power tools, no matter the purpose.
• Combine such medication with other mind altering substances unless your shift is done.
• Ride your bicycle to or from work.
• Text message or use your cell phone while riding your bicycle.

Are we clear on all that?

Your compassionate Director of Personnel and Risk Management,

Mick Collins.

Having gotten that out of my system, I can report we are back in River City. Here’s to kicking off Boots Week with a shot of Mistress in teh Chicago Subway over the weekend. And one of Donna’s hubby / master Bill. This shot covers his MIA activities during ass week, and shows off some very stylish combat boots. A Twofer, that I can only describe as gnarly.

We look forward to your comments and contributions.

Have a Presidential Day!