"Simone" and "Sam" have been forced to go on the Lam, after some sloppy security work exposed them to their potential "enemies". Fortunately, they've found help through the SBPP.
("Sex Bloggers Protection Program"). Follow their adventures here until its safe for them to resume their prior alter-egos.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Our Senior Correspondent Teases Her Doctor.

(When she heard the Executive Editor was struggling to pick up the slack with our Western Correspondent MIA on the ski slopes, Donna, our Senior Correspondent stepped in with this delightful and illustrated post.)

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist who is helping me puzzle through some work-related issues from a few years back. I firmly believe that we of the kinky persuasion need to search out medical people we can trust with the truth, and it took several interviews with counselors and psychologists to find this fabulous doc. In the interview process I asked him point-blank about his feelings on BDSM. He said he didn’t have a problem with it, that he honestly didn’t know much about it but that he was willing to learn. He then added that whether I decided we would be working together or not, he would appreciate suggestions for reading materials. Winner!!! And Doc has been true to his word. He read the books I gave him, asked insightful questions and, because he realizes how much this lifestyle is part and parcel of my interpretation of the world, hardly a session goes by that we don’t include some talk of sexual matters. We have developed an easy, almost teasing manner that works for me.

At my visit today, Doc asked whether I had followed through on some relaxation suggestions he had made at our last visit. When I replied that I had tried some but not all, he gave me a disappointed look. So, being the smart ass that I am, I asked him whether he had followed through on the suggestion I made for him at our last meeting. He looked sheepish for a moment and then laughed and said, ”Oh, I remember, you said I should get my wife a hibachi for our anniversary.” “No.” I responded, “what I said was to get your wife an Hitachi wand. The goal is to heat things up, not set your house on fire.” He then commented that they don’t use toys. Blink-blink! WHAT?? None???

I suggested that he was pulling my leg, that surely after 25 years of marriage he and his wife must have a toy box under their bed with some sexy toys. He shook his head, said there are only dust bunnies under their bed and reminded me that he is vanilla. I was puzzled, insisting that vanillas can have toys, too. He then told me I should try harder to look a bit less saddened by the idea that he is toy-less, and said that maybe I just don’t have a clear understanding for how vanilla, vanilla really is.

So, here we have a physician with a specialty in psychiatry who has never played with a pocket rocket, a dildo, or a vibrator of any kind. I could understand that he doesn’t own a flogger, paddle or nipple clamps. And maybe a St. Andrew’s cross or sex swing might be a bit over the top, but to not even have a good dildo? I really was taken aback.

We had a lovely discussion on what Bill and I keep in our toy-boxes and what I would think a vanilla man might want to keep in his toy-box, but none of the ideas seemed to appeal to him at all.
Of course the bottom line is that as long as he and his wife are happy, that is all that matters. But, quite honestly, I was both embarrassed and enlightened to learn that I have preconceived notions about the vanillas of the world that may be just as incorrect as the ideas that some vanillas have about those of us who are kinky folks.

As I left the office, Doc smiled as he patted my shoulder and said,”Try not to feel too sad for me, Donna.” To which I replied, “I’m not sad, I’m thinking about bringing you a little starter box to my next appointment and I’m thinking about what I want to put in it.”
I swear he paled just a bit.


aisha said...

Dear Donna,

I love that story! You will have him on edge for a while...

It's funny isn't it? On the other hand, i like to think I'm kinky as they come and I only have one toy. So we can't make assumptions about things like that - right?

Great post. Lucky Mick, to have such a handy fill-in. He'll get spoiled...


UCTMW Enterprises Management Team said...

I am definitely spoiled. Mick

Donna said...

@ Aisha- While we do have a couple of toyboxes under our bed, I consider the things we use to stimulate ourselves or one another as part of our toybox even though they may be found in other locations.

Our collection of BDSM equipment, Liberator ramps, sexy lingerie, and Bill's belts live in the closet. The pancake flipper, wooden spoons, olive oil, and the squirt bottle of caramel topping live in the kitchen. Books and movies are in the living room. There is the swing on the deck, and we have pocket rockets in the glove compartments of the vehicles. They all fall into my general category of toybox items.

In your case, I've seen pictures of your sexy shoes and boots, and read about your provocative clothing and hosiery. From the sexy stories you write, I assume you use reading and writing as a turn on, too. Maybe your closet and computer are part of your toybox arsenal. And I am quite sure your Dom will arrive with his own toybox. :)


sin said...

I have toys. Lots of toys and love them. And I think the discussion of what people have in their toy boxes is a fascinating one.

I don't think a Hitachi is a good starter toy. i think a tiny little pocket rocket is a good starter. Not because it's the best vibrator, because it isn't by a long shot, but because it's not a scary, big, noisy, expensive toy that needs to be plugged in. A pocket rocket is quiet and small and cute, and you (they) can pretend that it's a game, a non threatening game.

Donna said...

@Sin, You are exactly right! Had I know of their virginal toy status, I would have suggested a pocket rocket or something similar.

Thank goodness Doc didn't follow through on my suggestion. I can't imagine their reaction to the sound and strength of the vibration of an Hitachi!

That thought wouldn't make a good girl chuckle, would it? :)


Alujna said...

Omg Donna, you cracked me up...LMAO. I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud after reading a blog post.
I'm pretty sure lots of 'nilla couples don't use toys. In fact I'd say more than 50% don't.
And a starter toy box?? lol
I'd really like to see his reaction... :)

Alujna said...

Omg Donna, you cracked me up...LMAO. I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud after reading a blog post.
I'm pretty sure lots of 'nilla couples don't use toys. In fact I'd say more than 50% don't.
And a starter toy box?? lol
I'd really like to see his reaction... :)

nilla said...

Donna, this was great! i got my first toy um...for "free" a little vibe that came with a pack of condoms i bought to cover the cuke i used to masturbate with.

i had no idea where to even buy a dildo (thanks sephani!)...

Master's toybox now includes my pink hairbrush which i am *ordered* to bring to every meet now.

yes. toys are *everywhere* *grins*

GREAT story

Donna said...

@Alujna, He really does have a great sense of humor and I am considering taking a shoe box with me next time, just sit there with it in my lap and see whether he will ask me about it. Or maybe I should put a sex store catalog inside the box. He could always leave it out in the waiting room to keep his clients happy while they wait. See how considerate I am!

Claire Thompson said...

Well fuck! I just wrote a whole long comment, then hit preview and it said, "We're sorry, unable to process your request" and it was gone! That happened to me once before too, on a different blog. I got so mad there that I didn't bother to write it again, I just left!

But I'll try here, for Donna's sake...

First I noted that your relationship with your shrink is highly unusual. My experience with psychiatrists back in the day never included them sharing the slightest bit of personal information. Zero. None. Zilch. I find it refreshing that you've found someone who will, assuming it doesn't impede the therapeutic process (said tongue in cheek - if it's workin', why the hell not!)

I then went on to comment about my own personal lack of toys, sex toys, that is. I have a whole lovely box full of wonderful BDSM toys, thank you! But I've always been rather squeamish about foreign objects being placed inside me (other than the flesh and blood variety!). Admittedly, I do keep two little wonders that I use when I'm alone and lonely, but they are strictly a substitute for the real thing, rather than an addition.

Who knows though, maybe once my sweetheart and I are finally living together, I'll show him my little fellows and see if he wants to incorporate them into our play. After all, he's the boss (said the sub girl, kneeling submissively and trying very hard not to laugh).

Love, Claire

Donna said...

@Nilla, Honey, I am just a bit confused. You do know that cukes at the grocery already have a lovely waxy coating, don't you? Oh, wait, I get it now. You are a multi-tasker and wouldn't feel good about serving a cuke that hadn't been condomized. Sorry, just a bit slow there!


Donna said...

If I haven't mentioned it lately, you are simply the best. Best friend, best writer, and all the rest, too. Enough gushing (of that sort, anyway).

Now, first of all, I didn't know you were squeamish about anything, but Donna is here to help you! And just so you know, nothing you can refer to as a "little fellow" is going to make the cut!

When you and your beloved come to visit this summer we will go through Bill's catalog collection together, we'll hit some websites and maybe go with our menfolk to the big city for some kinky toy shopping! Woo-hoo!

I, too, have a preference for the real thing (and it's not Coca Cola) and adding another filled orifice to lovemaking or to a butt that's being spanked only enhances the experience!

And now I know what to send you for your birthday!!! *clapping hands*


WC said...

Hey Donna,

Very funny !!!!

But that truly is unbelievable that they don't have any toys. WOW, I don't thinki Know anyone who doesn't have toys.

Your union steward

The WC

Donna said...

@The WC, The PT, The Union Steward:

I can understand that some folks just weren't blessed with a beautifully kinky spirit, I'm sad for them, but I understand.

However, it really is puzzling to me that a couple wouldn't have some toys around to add a little zip, to fill up an otherwise unoccupied location or to simply have fun with and laugh about.

And don't you wonder what they give each other for holidays and special occasions? BDSM gear, jewelry, lingerie and sex toys. Are there any better gifts than those? Which reminds me, is there any chance you are sending us some souvenirs from your vacation? Anything from the list above would be greatly appreciated.

Mick will be back at his keyboard early tomorrow. I sure hope his cold is better, it must be difficult to worship the CEO properly when breathing is hampered! Although, I suppose that form of worship is better than kissing on the mouth and sharing nasty cold germs!

Have a good vacation!