The UCTMW mobile unit rolled into River City at around 9 pm last night after two days of rolling across America. We spent a good part of our trip tracing the route of the Old Route 66 – from New Mexico all the way to St. Louis.
We were greatly aided by all the technology on board. When I was a teen, a simple trip from upstate New York to the Jersey shore with my three younger siblings was euphemistically referred to as “hell on wheels”. Boredom was the most hellacious factor, spawning bickering and clandestine fist fights and pinching , conducted below the level of the rear view mirror to avoid the wrath of Dad.
Now the teens had laptops, an AC/DC converter, videos, games, their I-phones, etc. to amuse and distract them from the grand, but, to them, uninteresting vistas we passed along the way. And the grown-ups had their Mi-fi mobile hotspot, with a surprisingly good connection all across America. (Verizon may want to pay us for product placement at UCTMW).
We were able to establish (or discover) a few things:
· In Oklahoma, “Do not Drive into Smoke”. Apparently it’s OK elsewhere.
· Feral Pigs do not make good neighbors, or pets.
· Cuervo Gold is cheaper in Missouri than any other state we passed through.
· We actually have a reader in Oklahoma, who, with the assitance of our snarky teens, has found new meaning in the local convenience chain “Kum and Go.” And yes, you can buy their T-shirts on-line.
· The largest cross in this continent is along the road side somewhere in Texas West of Amarillo. And truth be told, it’s not that impressive.
· On the other hand, the world’s largest rocking chair is located off I-44 in Missouri.
· There is also a vacuum cleanrer museum (and outlet) near Cuba, Mo.
· Unless a motel is a familiar “brand name”, our teens assume it is “sketchy”, and populated by extras from a “Scary Movie” sequel.
And while there was no switch day in that Holiday Inn across the street from the Will Rogers Memorial Rodeo arena in East Oklahoma on Sunday morning, Slave and Mistress were able to access each other freely as the sun rose over the Wal-Mart parking lot next door. The teens had been relegated to their own room.
It may be the one and only time we have sex on a Sunday morning in Oklahoma, so for that sake alone it was memorable.
And I suppose I have left unreported the New Year’s Eve (and New Year’s Day) encounters back on our cozy bed at our undisclosed mountain location. Let’s just say that I am glad we did not venture up the mountain again for fireworks and a party in the minus 15 degree temperatures, but decided to generate our own tasteful celebration between the sheets.
The teens were bought off with a bottle of Prosecco to enjoy the occasion. And we suspect they made the most of it, particularly Surly Teen #1 and her boyfriend.
Yesterday evening, as the sun set, we were crossing Indiana and a slice of Kentucky, finally within striking distance. I was at the wheel. Mistress was multitasking next to me.
Her laptop was open and she was messaging over facebook with Aisha, reporting highlights to me in furtive asides. It seemed to be relationship chatter.
At the same time she was trading smuttier text massages with our Western Correspondent, who had been checking in on our progress. She had that flirty smile on when she received her messages from him, and dashed off her replies.
Afterwards, as we settled into our bed and went through accumulated replies, I asked her what the two of them had been chatting about.
“ He was cooking dinner, Slave…. And was talking about vegetables.”
“Is that what got you all animated, Mistress?”
“Well…. he said he was going to make me wear my butterfly vibrator (the one gifted to her for Christmas) to the grocery store, and select assortment of things – cucumbers, you know, for further play….”
“I’m glad you had your own on board distraction, Mistress….”
“It was of comfort, Slave….”
Well, now it’s time to wake her and see if she has adjusted enough to the time shift to enjoy some indulgence before we head back to work after our two weeks away.
Welcome to 2011, all.