We were lying in bed here at the UCTMW World Headquarters.
Mistress had been worshipped upon my return from work, as is her right and expectation.
The kids had been fed, all back under the roof after their three day weekend.
We planned to watch the 1st episode of this season’s Big Love (you know, the adventures of the narcissistic, messianic Morman State Senator, and his three increasingly schizoid wives). Then, if Mistress was in a generous mood, Mick would get his first opportunity to fuck her since our rather extravagant “punishment” session on Sunday morning.
All in all, it was a good plan for a quiet evening at home.
Then (sound the claxon horns), we received a text message about some potentially critical problems at our Western field office.
As Mistress peered at her I-phone, she expressed her surprise with a guffaw.
“The Western Correspondent says he was out riding his bike for the last hour and a half, and now his cock is frozen…”
She tapped away, apparently asking for a more complete report. His response came quickly.
“Here are more details, Slave: 23 degrees; high winds; he had jeans on, but no underwear. And he must have forgotten to zip up his fly.”
“The winds was so strong he was sliding sideways on ice….”
Now I was the one laughing.
“Just remind him that our UCTMW Employee Handbook specifically says that we are not responsible for frozen dicks when an employee exposes himself to below freezing temperatures without wearing his underoos.”
I write one hell of an Employee Handbook, in case you need one. The key is to anticipate of all the potential shit storms that could befall an employer, then figure a way to make all of them the employees' fault!
I was trying to pay attention to “Big Love”, disappointed that all that multi-partner sex shown in the earlier seasons had now been replaced with lots of angst and finger pointing among the wives. Clearly this Series jumped the shark once the Prophet met his ignominious end.
But our Western Correspondent continued to provide Mistress with updates.
“Sounds like it’s not responding to treatment, Slave….. still frozen.”
I could sense an expensive workers’ comp claim on the horizon. And our defense would have to be based on the reckless behavior of our Western Correspondent, out on yet another frolic and detour.
Could he argue that this frigid bike ride was in the scope of his duties? I suppose it would be possible.
Sometimes when he calls and directs Mistress to deploy her power tool, he is out cruising around on his bike. He could characterize as her consent to such work / recreation field trips. And our health insurer has been pushing all this “Wellness” crap-olla, as an incentive to get our lofty premiums down. Certainly after hours exercise might be described as "just following orders."
One way or the other, I can see him sweet talking some dumpy administrative hearing officer in an ill fitting pants suit that he was just following company policy as he went on that frigid, cock risking bike ride last night.
No doubt she will want to adjourn to her chambers in order to personally inspect the damaged appendage, in her effort to confirm whether his claim for permanent partial disability is firm or flaccid.
Our final line of defense may have to be that he was out of uniform. Our correspondents are not expected to go commando while on duty, without clear instructions from the publisher. It says so in the Handbook. Page 35, footnote 13. He can look it up.
“Slave, I’m telling him that he better not have done any permanent damage to the special occasion cock before I have the chance to try it out.”
“That would be tragic Mistress…. Do you think he has a microwave big enough to fit it…. That might work.”
At some point, M’s pleas for sympathy petered out, so to speak.
And when the show ended, Mistress, who’s mind likely had been muddled by thoughts of a frozen cock-sicle warming between her full and sensual lips, asked if I was prepared to fuck her.
“I am at your disposal, Mistress.”
Let’s just hope that our Western Correspondent has thawed and is now on the mend.