"Simone" and "Sam" have been forced to go on the Lam, after some sloppy security work exposed them to their potential "enemies". Fortunately, they've found help through the SBPP.
("Sex Bloggers Protection Program"). Follow their adventures here until its safe for them to resume their prior alter-egos.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Too darn hot.

It is so damn hot all over this country! Mick was correct in the blog yesterday in saying I am concerned about public health, it went along with career territory. I offer you today some suggestions for cooling off in this heat and, as a bonus, have thrown in some suggestions for keeping things safe.
For those of us who live near a trout stream in the mountains, cooling off can be as simple as going fishing. This picture is a clear demonstration that one can wear proper safety gear and still stay cool. I know you are wondering whether this is a photo of Bill but, of course, I’m not telling.
A suggestion I would make for those who don’t have access to a stream for fishing, is an ice dildo. This involves placing a condom in a toilet paper cardboard tube, stretching the top of the condom over the top of the tube, filling with water and freezing for five or six hours.  Run it under cool water until you can peel off both the cardboard tube and the condom. Continue holding it under running water until it starts to melt, you don’t want that painful tongue frozen to a lamppost thing going on with delicate tissues. And now you are ready to play.
Usually outside play is best for this due to the drip factor. How to play, you ask? Well, you are sure to garner attention as you use it as a dildo in your favorite orifice, or two, as you lounge by the pool or on a soft towel under a shady tree. Or, you can use fruit juice instead of water in the making of the dildo and suck on it as you dream of cooler climes, or whatever it is that sucking brings to mind for you.
Frozen dildos can be especially fun for BDSM parties celebrating a new collar or some other great event. Each D/s team is given a frozen dildo and the game is to see which team can make their dildo melt the fastest using only body parts. Woo-hoo! And if you followed the helpful hint above and used juice rather than water, the clean-up, using tongues only, can be even more enjoyable than the original game. And we all know that fruit juice is good for us.
Some people don’t seem as bothered by the heat as others. Take the WC; he loves to work on his tan. For the sake of our readers at UCTMW, I have completed a very thorough inspection of this photo, and I can see that the poor man is not sweating adequately. That can be very dangerous, indeed! Should you observe this situation, you should insist the hunk come into the air conditioning with you and you should check him out with the standard BDSM tests for energy, stamina and hydration immediately! Should he become disoriented and attempt to walk away, you can break out the Shibari books and Twisted Monk gear and tie him up or down until he comes to his senses, or just comes. Whichever.

We all know that common sense, water and sunscreen should always be our focus during a heat wave. Take, for example, the picture below. Being a person concerned about public health, I would insist this car wash be moved to a location in the shade and then would volunteer to check to be sure the correct amount of sunscreen is applied to these fine bodies from head to toe and all regions over and under and in between. As with lube, better too much sunscreen than not enough, and regular application is absolutely vital. To that end, I would also volunteer to stay for the entire car wash, checking regularly to make sure the sunscreen didn’t wash off. My dedication to public health is almost astounding, isn’t it?
In the end, I suppose the best thing we can do is try to find a way to keep our minds off of the heat and know that, in the words of our grandmothers, this too shall pass. And, it won’t be long before we can go back to complaining about the cold weather.
In the meantime, I will share a few ideas to take your mind off the heat.

Time to break out those fans and try to stay cool!


nilla said...

it is too damn hot!! i'd venture to offer that copious sweating can lead to shivers, and reduced body temperature. Several things that have induced sweating in me of this nature (your pics of enemas notwithstanding) are thinking about Master licking between my toes as he tortures them. Hearing Him describe this torment over the phone as a remarkably similar reaction... Makes me sweat rivers.

And getting fucked. For some reason, i tend to sweat buckets when Master fucks me in the heat.

or is that...when he fucks with my head over devious torments he's cooked up...? i forget.

Or maybe ...well, i won't bore you with more.

Just...take my advice and work up a sweat...You'll be the better for it...


ps...speaking of hawt...those were some pretty heated pics you posted here, Missy! Great guest post, and i'm glad i saw it before i headed off to bed!

beingaisha said...

Great suggestions, Donna. Frozen dildos. Sheesh. Makes my poor pussy pucker just thinking of it...


Great post!


Donna said...

Hi nilla, I only sent you a photo of a small enema solution bottle in an effort to show you it isn't such a scary thing. Guess it didn't work. And btw, you are never, ever boring! lol

@ aisha, you have to admit it would cool things down in a hurry! They're fun to make, too. Think of them as a summer arts and crafts project for the BDSM crowd.


WC said...

Hey Donna,

Very very cool,

I never thought about the frozen tongue syndrome before,

great advice!

Lets just hope our benevolent and beneficent CEO doesn't get thirsty durning her ordeal

Who thought that event would be a good Idea?

Better have Bill on ready 5 with a knife to cut her out of her swim suit if needed


just cut her out of the suit because ...

well just on general principle

The will help Bill!


WC said...

Oh, and nice picture of Mick fishing,

See the WC can suck up with the best of them.

How do you think the WC got his little ski shack of the slopes of vail


the house that Mick built,

The hope this finds you and Bill well,


Donna said...

You know, WC, I had that same thought about the swim. I, for one, have never looked into a filthy river and thought, "Oh, why not leave this safe shore to leap into that dark cesspool of barge refuse, dead fish and mafia hits. But, I suppose it's all a matter of personal preference.

Oh, and trust me, Bill would be more than happy to cut our beloved CEO out of her swimsuit and lather up her long beautiful hair and shapely a professional courtesy, of course, strictly to be sure every bit of river sludge is gone.

I'm sure he'll call you if he needs assistance.

The grossed out by dirty water,

UCTMW Enterprises Management Team said...

Thanks for the post Donna. I'm sorry we screwed up some of your well selected photos.

And all will be happy to know that Molly survived her Big River swim. I will give a blow by blow tomorrow. Mick

Donna said...

Did someone say "blow"? Love that!

*humming* ...blow the man down.